Everybody remembers their first time, right? This piece is about my protagonist, Jay Baxter and his very first time having sex.
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I entered 1979 with a renewed sense of optimism. Ana and I weren’t a couple, but we were steady make out partners. Fearing it would become a big deal if our crew knew about us, she insisted we keep that a secret from them. With fondling and groping already in the mix, the next step was to introduce sex into our repertoire. My problem was I did not want to lose my virginity while fearing Trudy was going to come home from school and walk in on us. Ana was quite fearless, while I avoided taking any kind of risk.
“Stop being such a weenie. We won’t get caught. When has Trudy ever barged into your room without knocking? The answer is never. Besides, that’s what locks are for.”
“Okay, let’s do this.”
“You gotta promise me you won’t get all lovey dovey and hung up on me. I like keeping this casual. We’re friends who hook up once in a while, nothing more.”
“I’m cool with that. I swear,” I declared. “I’m gonna have sex with an older woman.”
“Slow down, stud. I’m only a year and a half older than you. Now, shut up and kiss this vieja.”
Ana and I fell onto my bed and began making out. Telling her about my being a virgin? Not a good time, especially with the intense kissing and touching going on. We both stripped down to our underwear and got under the covers. The kisses grew more passionate, quickening our breaths as we removed the rest of our clothing.
Ana knew where she wanted her hands and lips to touch, whereas I was like a drunk fumbling for his keys in the dark. She asked me if I was ready, and I nodded yes. Before I could ask Ana to get a condom out of the nightstand drawer, she produced one from the pocket of her jeans.
“Back when I started dating, Blanca told me to always carry condoms because guys are idiots,” she confessed.
I’d seen some of the guys Blanca dated, so I trusted her opinion on this one. Things were going smoothly, and as I was about to put the condom on, my penis made an unfortunate and unauthorized decision. What landed on her leg was not passion, but evidence of a biological mutiny. The Price Is Right sad trombone music started playing in my head. There was only my bedroom, Ana’s expression, and the quiet realization that my penis had been a rogue operative who clearly did not report to management. It was not the last time he would betray my trust.
“Ana, oh my God. I’m so sorry.”
“Jason, honey, relax, it’s okay. Blanca told me it happens to a lot of guys. Is this your first time?”
My secret was out and unlike my penis, I decided to cooperate.
“Yes, I’m a virgin. I didn’t know what to say, and I really didn’t want to mess things up.”
“I would never make fun of you because you’re a virgin.”
“Thanks, Ana. Now, what?”
“Well, I’m gonna clean up your buddy’s mess, and then we’re gonna start all over. I’ll make sure your friend behaves.”
Ana took control in a way that made me feel as if I orchestrated everything. After our awkward false start, it finally happened. We had sex and Ana never once made me feel like my performance was being judged. After lying there for a few minutes, we finally pushed ourselves out of bed and got dressed. I watched Ana as she finger combed her curly hair in the mirror, and I couldn’t stop smiling at her. She caught me and smiled right back.
“If your mom ever catches you smiling like that at me, she’s going to know I took her baby boy’s virginity.”
“I’m liking that ‘no longer a virgin’ feeling,” I said as I walked up to Ana and put my arms around her waist as she faced the mirror.
“I think you better stop, because your friend down there wants a lot more of my attention,” Ana said. “As much as I liked getting to know him, I think you should walk me home now before we get ourselves into trouble.”
As it turned out, sex was considerably better with a partner, and I wanted more. Whenever we went to parties together, Ana staked out places for us to fool around undetected. Once at a friend’s house, I was in a bedroom smoking a joint with a couple of people. I noticed the closet door was slightly open. Through the tiny crack, a finger wearing a very familiar ring summoned me. I suggested to my little pot smoking quorum that we grab some beers from the kitchen. They led the way and I lagged behind, doubling back to the closet. I hurried inside and shut the door.
Ana giggled, snorted, and said, “Fancy meeting you here.”
A very common question for us was, “Hey, where did you guys disappear to?” We always laughed, which was as good as an answer. As far as I knew, our friends had no solid proof we were messing around.
The initial excitement of sneaking around wore off after a couple of months of our “illicit affair.” Ana and I couldn’t ignore the sense of loss that neither of us asked for. We were hanging out in the playground discussing our situation.
“Our deal has been fun, but now it doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to be in a relationship or lead you on,” Ana confessed.
“I don’t want to screw up our friendship and sneaking around behind your father’s back feels terrible.”
“If we were dating, he’d be happy. If he found out about the sex part, he’d be kinda mad. Me and you? We’re good, but you need to be honest with yourself. Your heart is with that girl from your old school.”
“My sister has a big mouth.”
“Don’t blame Trudy. You know how I am sometimes. I went all Columbo on her one day, got a little nosy and she let it slip.”
Ana was right; my heart was elsewhere. Since Sami didn’t get back to me, I assumed the friendship was done. Even still, I just couldn’t forget about her.
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